neverbeuseless

So, I've noticed this really ridiculous cycle I have. It doesn't really have a beginning, but let's just pick a random point.

So, Miranda becomes comfortable being single and finds balance and joy in her life with her friends and work.

Then Miranda meets a random girl, and snuggly time starts, and her hopes get up that this might be the person who wants to have something quiet and stable.

And then the quiet/stable idea gets blown out of the water because of indecision, or difficulties. Nothing that is either person's fault.

And then Miranda gets thrown into this longing and craving for cuddles and balance and stability and kisses.

And after some painful time, Miranda finds balance and joy in her life with her friends and work and swears of relationships, for now, again.

And then it repeats.

That longing/craving bit kills me a little, but I wouldn't ever change any of the experiences that I've had.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLNyVLbqdEg

Beauty, Brilliance. So powerful.

( Lyrics )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0SwTre8GsY

I heard this on the radio last night on the way home from Steve's birthday. It has special resonance with a friend of mine, and it was the song we shared. It really hit me last night though how important these thoughts can be. No, I don't think I'll die tomorrow, I imagine I'll finish out the semester, but at the same time we can't procrastinate the things we want because the opportunity might pass us by.

( Lyrics )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgWqxQHVEmg

I'm back in the U.P. This song seems fitting for this week's song.

( Lyrics )

 I leave Milwaukee..   ...   ...Tomorrow?  It's hitting me like a ton of bricks at this specific moment. There are so many things I'm going to miss. I'm seriously considering moving back to Milwaukee after I graduate. Maybe spend the summer working for Gail, and then head down?

I met a girl here who makes me think and challenges me and expands the way I think. I love talking to her. I'm afraid conversations will be different when they're over the phone/text/IM then when we talk face to face and I feel like that's going to be a tragedy. As a bonus she's a good kisser and can make me laugh with out trying to hard. She's one of those rare people who is who she is in her zany, intelligent, care-free way. One of those people a lot of people would judge the first time they meet and dismiss, but you didn't for whatever reason and are so thankful for it.

I've decided to save up some money so I can send it to Katie, Danielle and Dana so they can come up to visit me and experience the "Yooper, Eh?" as they call it. :) We'll see how well that works. A job is important for this plan. I want to share the Nickle and it's peanut shell glory with them. (The scary part is how undeniably honest that statement is.)

Colin and Bridgette made me a going away dinner. Stuffed Chicken, potatoes, and asparagus for dinner with made-from-scratch brownies. I wish I spent more time with them this summer.

Today is my last day at PQ. Maggie made vegan sugar cookies yesterday and they were delicious. I was also talking to a few people about looking for a job there after I graduate, and there are rumors(so no hopes up yet.) that there may be more funding by the end of this academic year and they might have room for a third full time person. When you achieve your life goals and dreams in your early twenties you can enjoy your accomplishments for the rest of your life. Sometimes I feel like I cheated the system. That there's no way I should know what I want to do with my life, but when I walked into PQ that first day, surrounded by 25 youth from an entirely different social setting then I was accustomed to, I dove in head first and came home that night elated and refreshed and with purpose. It was a beautiful feeling. I even sort of came to enjoy doing budget stuff for the resource center, helping to optimize and make it more user friendly.

I'm a little behind on my internship reports, so I should catch those up.

I hope everyone is well in livejournal land.

Peace Easy.

Oh, and if you didn't know, I'm back on HRL's payroll. Well sort of. I'm a Community Advisor (Easiest way to explain it would be to say I'm sort of like a RA for the apartments) so I get a free apartment, but no stipend. That phone call was sort of a god-send.

I met Good Asian Drivers in Green Bay at Pride, and I'm very grateful for that. They write and sing and speak and slam about issues that are important to our lives. This particular piece is... honest.  As much as I love the queer community, and I love the diversity of the people in the community, the community has it quirks and symbols, hankies and rainbows, and it's such a rich community, and not only in terms of the pink dollar. But there are SO many things that need to be corrected, there are SO many things that can be improved, and there are SO many things that we feel we are immune from, and because of that feeling they are not acknowledged, and they fester and grow and become even more insidious. 

Listen to it, tell me what you think.

( Lyrics )

If you have not seen this movie, you need to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcVjKAKRpDw

www.youtube.com/watch

This perfectly displays some feelings I had last semester, almost to a creepy point. I'm enjoying finding new artists I like though. :)

( Lyrics )

Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

I've been having many conversations about trusting other people, and this song, so beautiful, speaks to me about the pain of broken trust and almost a resigned disappointment.

Working on the weekends has killed my internet catch up time, so this is short.

Here's some lyrics:

( Lyrics )

This song was introduced to me a month ago, and resurfaced on Pandora a few days ago.

I enjoy it because it's such a smooth song. What do you think?

( Lyrics... )

And this is what I have for you from Pride. Meet Toby, an Australian lesbian with locks and a mean set of skills on guitar. With surprising vocals and strong music, she's your lesbian artist with an ausie accent. From what I hear, she's really popular in Australia.

This track, "Run", was one of the best in terms of sound I could find. She's on MySpace if you want to check her out. http://www.myspace.com/tobybeard

Finances are tight, but I finally found a job selling pride beads for a local lesbian at prides on the weekend, turns out this summer's going to be even more gay-centric then I first imagined. I started yesterday, but only for an hour, as a kind of test run. In that hour I made 20 bucks. We're traveling next weekend, but Jodi hasn't decided which pride we're going to yet. I met her though one of the guys I work with at the Community Center. We keep 35% of what we sell. Danielle, another person who sells with Jodi, made $300 this weekend, and Jodi said that the lowest paid person this weekend made $235. It's a good gig, and it's only on the weekends.  I'm going to be cutting it close with rent for July, but assuming I'm not a horrible sales person, I should be able to make it.  I also am connected with Manpower, a temp agency, about doing random pick up work they may have available. Nothing from them yet, but we'll see.

I'm doing great in my internships, and I love them both. The Resource Center on campus is much more of a macro approach and they have me doing research for them. Working on things like grants, queer-friendly companies, preferred name policies, and a little grunt work helping with their budget and other small office work. At the Community Center, I'm working one on one with the youth, and they're starting to accept me into the fold. I've connected really well with a few particular youth, and it's great to spend time with them and seeing them comfortable and happy. They've seen some really rough situations, and while I knew that and I've seen it, it's a lot more raw here. It's not as hard to work with them, knowing these things and how hard they have had it, as I thought it would be, just much more grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to have a positive impact on their lives, grateful to have the opportunity to have them influence mine in such a great way, grateful for my own privileged and positive experiences. I come home from interning for five and a half hours with them and I feel energized. It reminds me of working at the youth center back home, and how much I loved that job and those kids.

Socially, I'm doing well. Colin has been a life saver on more then one occasion, as well as introducing me to some amazing people, and Amanda has introduced me to some good people and good times. I have made a few really solid friendships, one of which with my roommate Mackenzie, and a bunch of good acquaintances. I was pleasantly surprised at Pride how many people I ran into that I knew, and who recognized me and came up to say hello. There's even a lady, but not in a super serious monogamous way. She's feisty and is probably trouble, but she's funny, smart as hell, and beautiful to boot. We'll see where it goes.

Taylor and Noah Gauthier and Alex came down for pride. Alex disappeared for most of the weekend, but it was really good to see Taylor in particular. Really nice to see a familiar face.

I have a new phone, her name is Molly. She's pretty amazing.  That's about all I think.

Peace Easy LiveJournal.

So I was called a pacifist this week. It wasn't a label I assigned to myself, really, so it caught me off guard a little, which in turn made me think about it. With that in mind, I've decided that Garth Brooks' We Shall Be Free will be the music posting for this week.

So, lets start at the beginning, the definition. Pacifisim: opposition to war or violence as a means of settling disputes.

Entirely true. I believe war and violence as means to settle disputes is a flaw of human behavior. I'm not dumb enough to say that I believe we can just shut down war and military tomorrow, I know that to lay down arms when your opposition does not is to set yourself up for slaughter. However, I do not believe in being the aggressor. Defense is the only acceptable form of violence, for me, because it's not really violence.

I believe that greed, hate, prejudice, and ignorance are the roots of war, and if we come to our brothers and sisters of humanity with contentment, love, respect, and knowledge, we will be able to work toward peace and balance for everyone. We need to stop trying to control the world, because the world does not belong to us, it is not ours to control. We are just part of her history. If global warming goes to the extent that it wipes out humanity, it is just her way of finding balance for herself, purging herself of the impurity our "taker" culture is. We need to stop trying to change her, but rather fit into the world she has for us before she goes to the extent she needs to on her own. I don't believe this means learning to harness her, or manipulate her, but rather living with her, moving back to a "leaver" culture.

I digress. Pacifism. I believe violence solves nothing, not in personal, cultural, or national conversations or disputes, it just feeds the disagreement, creates victims seeking retribution. When Germany lost WWI it gave Hitler the opportunity to harness the feelings of destitution and humiliation of the German people to focus on his dream of the thousand-year Reich and WWII. If you fight the violence of current neo-Nazi's protest at a pride event with squirt guns of bleach, you will not persuade them to stop committing hate crimes, they will just feel more justified in their attacks and do so, more then likely, with more vigar. This is not to say you could also sit down with them, or to condone their behavior in anyway, but to say that your energy and planning would find more use educating the young and supporting the people at the pride event.

I do not believe to be a pacifist you must submit to every argument, or that healthy debate is not in a pacifists belief set, it is debate and disagreement that takes us further in life, but that the disagreement must be respectful and understanding, and with the knowledge that we are all human beings.

So now, with conviction, I can say I am a pacifist.

But, if you want to wrestle, any time, let me know. :)

So, I found this one via the Christian Science Monitor. Apparently she's really popular in France.

I have to say, I believe the CS Monitor said it best:
 "But what may set the artist apart is an approach or attitude of affirmation and gratitude – underscored with loads of earnestness."

She has that social consciousness that I crave in music, with a sweet soulful voice I can fall in love with, and a sound that soothes and provokes thought. Watch out Daphne Willis, I might have a new musical crush. (That's a lie, I totally dig Daphne way more, but I wish her music had a more social conscious undertone)

Check her out.  Official Website(Good luck if you don't know french): http://imaginegrace.artistes.universalmusic.fr/
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/graceinmusic

I feel like I'm whoring myself out to retail.