neverbeuseless

www.youtube.com/watch

This perfectly displays some feelings I had last semester, almost to a creepy point. I'm enjoying finding new artists I like though. :)

( Lyrics )

Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

I've been having many conversations about trusting other people, and this song, so beautiful, speaks to me about the pain of broken trust and almost a resigned disappointment.

Working on the weekends has killed my internet catch up time, so this is short.

Here's some lyrics:

( Lyrics )

This song was introduced to me a month ago, and resurfaced on Pandora a few days ago.

I enjoy it because it's such a smooth song. What do you think?

( Lyrics... )

And this is what I have for you from Pride. Meet Toby, an Australian lesbian with locks and a mean set of skills on guitar. With surprising vocals and strong music, she's your lesbian artist with an ausie accent. From what I hear, she's really popular in Australia.

This track, "Run", was one of the best in terms of sound I could find. She's on MySpace if you want to check her out. http://www.myspace.com/tobybeard

Finances are tight, but I finally found a job selling pride beads for a local lesbian at prides on the weekend, turns out this summer's going to be even more gay-centric then I first imagined. I started yesterday, but only for an hour, as a kind of test run. In that hour I made 20 bucks. We're traveling next weekend, but Jodi hasn't decided which pride we're going to yet. I met her though one of the guys I work with at the Community Center. We keep 35% of what we sell. Danielle, another person who sells with Jodi, made $300 this weekend, and Jodi said that the lowest paid person this weekend made $235. It's a good gig, and it's only on the weekends.  I'm going to be cutting it close with rent for July, but assuming I'm not a horrible sales person, I should be able to make it.  I also am connected with Manpower, a temp agency, about doing random pick up work they may have available. Nothing from them yet, but we'll see.

I'm doing great in my internships, and I love them both. The Resource Center on campus is much more of a macro approach and they have me doing research for them. Working on things like grants, queer-friendly companies, preferred name policies, and a little grunt work helping with their budget and other small office work. At the Community Center, I'm working one on one with the youth, and they're starting to accept me into the fold. I've connected really well with a few particular youth, and it's great to spend time with them and seeing them comfortable and happy. They've seen some really rough situations, and while I knew that and I've seen it, it's a lot more raw here. It's not as hard to work with them, knowing these things and how hard they have had it, as I thought it would be, just much more grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to have a positive impact on their lives, grateful to have the opportunity to have them influence mine in such a great way, grateful for my own privileged and positive experiences. I come home from interning for five and a half hours with them and I feel energized. It reminds me of working at the youth center back home, and how much I loved that job and those kids.

Socially, I'm doing well. Colin has been a life saver on more then one occasion, as well as introducing me to some amazing people, and Amanda has introduced me to some good people and good times. I have made a few really solid friendships, one of which with my roommate Mackenzie, and a bunch of good acquaintances. I was pleasantly surprised at Pride how many people I ran into that I knew, and who recognized me and came up to say hello. There's even a lady, but not in a super serious monogamous way. She's feisty and is probably trouble, but she's funny, smart as hell, and beautiful to boot. We'll see where it goes.

Taylor and Noah Gauthier and Alex came down for pride. Alex disappeared for most of the weekend, but it was really good to see Taylor in particular. Really nice to see a familiar face.

I have a new phone, her name is Molly. She's pretty amazing.  That's about all I think.

Peace Easy LiveJournal.

So I was called a pacifist this week. It wasn't a label I assigned to myself, really, so it caught me off guard a little, which in turn made me think about it. With that in mind, I've decided that Garth Brooks' We Shall Be Free will be the music posting for this week.

So, lets start at the beginning, the definition. Pacifisim: opposition to war or violence as a means of settling disputes.

Entirely true. I believe war and violence as means to settle disputes is a flaw of human behavior. I'm not dumb enough to say that I believe we can just shut down war and military tomorrow, I know that to lay down arms when your opposition does not is to set yourself up for slaughter. However, I do not believe in being the aggressor. Defense is the only acceptable form of violence, for me, because it's not really violence.

I believe that greed, hate, prejudice, and ignorance are the roots of war, and if we come to our brothers and sisters of humanity with contentment, love, respect, and knowledge, we will be able to work toward peace and balance for everyone. We need to stop trying to control the world, because the world does not belong to us, it is not ours to control. We are just part of her history. If global warming goes to the extent that it wipes out humanity, it is just her way of finding balance for herself, purging herself of the impurity our "taker" culture is. We need to stop trying to change her, but rather fit into the world she has for us before she goes to the extent she needs to on her own. I don't believe this means learning to harness her, or manipulate her, but rather living with her, moving back to a "leaver" culture.

I digress. Pacifism. I believe violence solves nothing, not in personal, cultural, or national conversations or disputes, it just feeds the disagreement, creates victims seeking retribution. When Germany lost WWI it gave Hitler the opportunity to harness the feelings of destitution and humiliation of the German people to focus on his dream of the thousand-year Reich and WWII. If you fight the violence of current neo-Nazi's protest at a pride event with squirt guns of bleach, you will not persuade them to stop committing hate crimes, they will just feel more justified in their attacks and do so, more then likely, with more vigar. This is not to say you could also sit down with them, or to condone their behavior in anyway, but to say that your energy and planning would find more use educating the young and supporting the people at the pride event.

I do not believe to be a pacifist you must submit to every argument, or that healthy debate is not in a pacifists belief set, it is debate and disagreement that takes us further in life, but that the disagreement must be respectful and understanding, and with the knowledge that we are all human beings.

So now, with conviction, I can say I am a pacifist.

But, if you want to wrestle, any time, let me know. :)

So, I found this one via the Christian Science Monitor. Apparently she's really popular in France.

I have to say, I believe the CS Monitor said it best:
 "But what may set the artist apart is an approach or attitude of affirmation and gratitude – underscored with loads of earnestness."

She has that social consciousness that I crave in music, with a sweet soulful voice I can fall in love with, and a sound that soothes and provokes thought. Watch out Daphne Willis, I might have a new musical crush. (That's a lie, I totally dig Daphne way more, but I wish her music had a more social conscious undertone)

Check her out.  Official Website(Good luck if you don't know french): http://imaginegrace.artistes.universalmusic.fr/
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/graceinmusic

I feel like I'm whoring myself out to retail.

 Applied at Subway, Jimmy Johns, Board Games Barrister, Potbelly (whom I'm calling on Monday to follow up), Kohls, Journeys, PacSun, and Sunglasses Hut.

I may be applying online to Apple, Gap, Payless, Sears, and Hollywood Video.

And Artisans of Morocco I'm going to call on Tuesday.

Which means, to date, I've applied to:

• blockbuster (5 locations)
• walgreens (2 locations)
• Pick N Save (one location)
• RadioShack (one location)
• Subway
• Jimmy Johns
• Board Games Barrister
• Potbelly
• Kohls
• Journeys
• PacSun
• Sunglasses Hut
• Brookefield Suites
• Hope House of Milwaukee
• Kelly Services
• Layton State Bank

to date:
I have applied online to:

• blockbuster (5 locations)
• walgreens (2 locations)
• Pick N Save (one location)
• RadioShack (one location)

I have submitted an application/resume in person to:

• knuckleheads
• dominos
• open pantry

in process:

• subway
• potbelly
• brew city promotions(?)
• borders books
• Cousins
• Betty Brinn Children Museum
• Bella's Fat Cat
• Urban Ecology Center
• Tool Shed
• Barnes & Noble (and anywhere else at Bayshore)
• Hotch-a-Do
• Summerfest
• Jimmy Johns
• Beans & Barley

Nothing's looking particularly promising, though. Amanda did say she would put in a good word for me at Blockbuster, and Colin mentioned something about an opportunity to type up phone conversations for deaf individuals at $9/hr.

We shall see.

Oh Daphne Willis. My musical crush. So much talent in this crew, which for this song, not everyone's there - so you should check them out because there really is a lot of talent in the Daphne Willis & Co. crew.

Love and Hate

True summer music. I look forward to this album. I don't even know what else to say about it. Just enjoy it.

So here's the idea I have. In order to start posting more, because I know I've been slacking, I've added an event to my Google Calender. Weekly(typically Sundays at 7pm) I will post a song and my thoughts on that particular track.


Okay, so there's a lot in this track. Obviously I won't be able to cover it all, so I'll pick out the obvious major theme. Don't be Afraid. lol.

I really like this track because it goes beyond what most of my music collection focuses on, personal relationships. This isn't a love song, or a "my girl left me and i'm hurtin song' or a "fuck you and your untouchable face" song. This has a wider scope then that. Those songs are important and valuable, and make up most of my collection because they are important to me, and help me find expression for what I'm feeling, but this goes beyond that and fills another part of how I need to express.

This song isn't talking about being afraid of going out there and meeting people. It is best summed up by a quote at the end of the track that was cut off for the video, which is depressing. Anyway, the quote is:

That fear, that is what is used to perpetuate the cycle. We sit around and think, man this is horrible, we should change this, and when we get to thinking about what that change should look like and how we can create it, we become afraid of "what if it doesn't work?" or "what if it's worse?" Are we so afraid of change, of negative repercussions that we will reject changing something netative for the fear that it could become worse? What kind of logic is that? If it gets worse, then we should change it again until it gets better, rather then just live with a negative situation.

There's so much more in this song. What resonates with you?


( Lyrics )

If you don't already have Network Manager vpnc then put this line into a terminal window:
In a terminal:

exactly what I needed.

I'm not an RA anymore. I don't have a curfew, or have to watch myself around other college students, or worry about losing my job.  I also don't get the amazing learning opportunity, or sense of community, or chance to meet so many amazing people anymore.

But, Petosky reminded me that there are good times and good people to be found and their company to be enjoyed. And that even when people are not around, there are things to be enjoyed in everything. Be it the pleasure of sitting on a pond in a kayak before everyone else is awake and just listening to the sounds, to sitting in a room by yourself, taking in everything that surrounds you, the layout of the furniture, the smells, the energy, the way you've positioned yourself and why, your own inner mood and the effect that has on your breathing, heart rate, thoughts. 

A little off topic, but at the RA Banquet, Werner had the closing keynote, and she spoke of "this too shall pass." It was a beautiful wrap up to a position for which I cared very deeply. First, because the lesson I've come to learn this year more then anything is the idea of "this too shall pass" both the good and the bad, and that we need to live in the moment - and because it was her lecture during my first RA training on learning how to balance our loads and enjoy our time through a conversation facilitated with Taoist philosophy that really got in excited about the people in housing and the job I was begining. The keynote, for me, made the whole experience very full circle.

So Petosky was a very, "this too shall pass" time for me. I tried to envelope every moment for what it was.

And it was beautiful. Kayaking, sitting in the sun, dancing, drinking, going out for rides on the ATV, and eating, oh god the eating. The people were... perfect in themselves. It was so laid back and calm.

And so, now I head to bed with a sunburn and some serious exhaustion, but calm and at peace with everything.

For now anyway. :)

Sweet Dreams my loves.

So, I've fallen into the Twitter scene. Keep up or be left behind, right?

https://twitter.com/neverbeuseless

A response to a Daphne Willis Blog post...

I believe no one has the right answer, and I do agree that it is definitely influenced by personal situations and philosophies.

In my personal situation, with my personal philosophy, I believe that there does need to be that core of shared values, and more then that, there needs to be effective communication, and a reciprocation of something. I believe there needs to be something gained by each person in the relationship, and that those things need to be balanced. These gains can be a variety of things with indefinite value, something that is often seen is support, and in a variety of forms. For some relationships it's listening, money, knowledge, or networking. Another thing that can be gained is comfort, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually. Often there's learning from each other - sharing of ideas and thoughts, learning a skill, communication styles, etc.

I'm processing this as I write it, and I'm solidifying this belief in every relationships need to find balance in what each person in that relationship gives and takes in order for it to be sustained.

There are some scenarios that people would question - What about the relationship that has one person visibly giving so much and one person isn't returning anything visibly, well I believe that some people may have this need to support others that is actually being filled. The measure is if they're both happy with their situation. Does the person being supported have this feeling of guilt and debt to their friend/spouse/lover/partner? Does the supporter feel used and unappreciated? At the end of the day, are they both happy with their situation?

And as for relationships that were amazing changing, that happens when the balance changes, be it because of needs changing, or the ability of one person to give something that was fulfilling a need. Maybe this is why a lot of long distance relationships don't work out - the individuals are accustomed to gaining things from a specific relationship, and the distance changes what's possible to give and what's possible to receive. Physical affection is extremely difficult, almost impossible to maintain in a long distance relationship, and as humans, I think that's an important part of any close relationship. That might be my own bias, though.

I don't know how much sense this all makes, but there it is.

This is what I'm thinking for the new MirandaLarocque.com layout and color scheme...